Friday, 20 June 2014


_culled from Muyiwa Afolabi's Blog
                                                         WHEN SEASON CHANGE

 I feel really awkward right now; I don’t even know what to do or how to react. Everyone keeps saying I’ve been vindicated and I should overlook and not remember the past but just move on but seriously in as much as I wish I could I can’t.
I just see everything she’s doing as fake; unreal and pretense please tell me how do I react warmly and realistically to a treatment I believe is not genuine?
I return from the office as late as 8pm and Deola my wife is waiting at the door to receive me; she takes my brief case, gives me a hug and asks about work. It all sounds ridiculous and unbelievable. I enter the living area and I can perceive the aroma of a sumptuous meal from the dining and my wife is telling

me she’s not eaten yet but waiting for me to return.
I look around the house, everywhere is spick and span, clean well-arranged organized, my kids the three of them have been properly tucked into bed, and everywhere looks perfect and homely. I can’t just relate with it, I can’t appreciate it, it’s so difficult.
Suddenly my wife has become so romantic, holding, caressing and hugging me, she’s treating me like I’m the best thing that’s happened to her so far, and I keep staring at her, not believing my ears or eyes, wondering for how long can I keep putting up with all the rubbish.
Truth is right now, I just wish she’d pack her stuff and leave, I’m not angry or bitter, I’m just being realistic; I don’t think I can cope with this kind of woman as my wife – all I see is drama and sorry; I’m no fool no more; that season is over. I’m done with all the drama. This is not marriage!
I married Deola seven years ago immediately after her graduation before she even served hence her service year was in the state where I resided. I loved her with the whole of my soul. I had known her since her days in secondary school, I was still in the university and our friendship had commenced since then. I was friends with every member of her family; her dad, mum and siblings all knew me and loved me. They knew I loved their sister and they were impressed I was open and respectful about it.
In fact there were occasions when Deola would wrong her parents and her mum would report her to me and ask me to have a word with her; I was that accepted and respected.
On the basis of that kind of relationship it wasn’t difficult for me to take on partial sponsorship of her university education as soon as I graduated from the University and began to work.
I secured a job with the Federal Ministry of Works as a site engineer and I loved my job and was very focused and dedicated.
Deola studied Estate Management and I helped her secure a job with one of our major clients as soon as she was done with her NYSC.
I was doing very well at the ministry; I handled many projects and learnt so much. I was very comfortable financially and I provided everything for my family, my wife didn’t contribute a thing. I bought her an SUV just before she had our first child and I bought her another new one three years after. She ate what she liked, wore what she liked, travelled everywhere and anytime, I made her very happy and satisfied. She was the envy of all her friends and colleagues, her family believed she was the luckiest wife in the world. I gave her everything I could afford, I really loved her; she was my world.
About two years ago, I decided to resign my employment with the public service and start my own business. I love property investment and had dreamt about buying land, building structures and selling.
So I took all my entitlements, borrowed money from a few banks and built an office complex. The project took about a year and it was quite demanding; financially and time wise. When I was done I was so relieved all I needed to do was get a buyer and recover my investment, the bank loan and my profit. That was when the trouble started. I couldn’t find buyers who were willing to pay the right price.
Month after month I kept hunting for buyers but couldn’t find any. Then I had to repay the loans and all my other monies had to go into servicing the loans until I finally became very broke – I had nothing!
Deola subsequently had to take over the running of the home. She paid the bills, school fees, fuel, diesel, rent, clothing and all.
As soon as she took on these responsibilities, everything changed. She became rude, disrespectful and condescending. She made it obvious to everyone; friends, family, relatives and everyone who cared to listen that she had become the bread winner. The most painful aspect was with the children, she told them every day she was responsible for their welfare.
The situation degenerated when she stopped attending to house chores. All, she relinquished and said since I had nothing doing and she was bringing the money, I should help with the chores. I said nothing, for the sake of my children I began to take care of the home, I cleaned, swept, washed, bathed the kids, went to the market, did the dishes and cooked almost every day.
In my heart I prayed quietly that God would one day turn my situation around. The situation became worse when she would always return home very late from work and would even travel for days without any notice. Despite all these, I said nothing, I just kept praying.
So, a month ago, I got a buyer for the office complex and they paid very good money for it, with very impressive profit.
It’s like a miracle; I currently have two major projects with investment from ready buyers worth about 250 million naira and they’ve paid 50% of the money. Suddenly Deola became nice again, good, loving, charming and caring wife!
No, I don’t believe her, she doesn’t really love me, she loves the idea of being married to a man who can provide and meet her needs, she really doesn’t love me.
Right now even if I want to, I can’t love her back as I feel I’m paying for her being a good wife and she’s not sincerely committed to me. I can’t live with the game and the drama.
I’m still contemplating what to do.
Ladies and gentlemen, the most destructive form of worship is self-worship. When everything must be in your interest, must favour you, must be to your gain and your advantage, you consequently destroy even what you’re entitled to.
When you think you should be your priority and everyone should prioritize you too, you’re risking your joy and relationships.
What are you giving, sacrificing or offering without expecting anything back? Love others, appreciate people and give sincerely and genuinely.
Think it, do it, achieve it and be the ultimate, it’s all in your mind! Till I come your way again, same time same station, this is Muyiwa Afolabi saying, Goodnight tonight.

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