TODAY'S MOTIVATIONAL PIECE

     RECONNECTING WITH YOU

_culled from www.muyiwaafolabi.com

This morning I'll like to discuss a situation that has for long plagued many of us brought up in an environment where communal living is highly esteemed, very important and almost sacred. You are probably raised in a community or within a family where values, reputation and image are more important than anything else.

Many of us adults today were most likely raised by direct parents or even extended family members who had the final say in the affairs of the family in whole and individual members of the family.

Be it the nuclear, polygamous or extended family, many of us were raised not to have a mind of our own, interpretation of ourselves and individuality. We were raised within certain family norms, patterns and values.

These values may stem from your family background, history, religion, experience, image, reputation, culture, tradition and even taboos.

Isn’t it amazing to observe that even in this century, some parents still impose on their children, professions, courses, universities and organizations where their children must work whether that child likes it or not?

Don’t we still see parents insist their children can’t interact much less marry into certain families for very flimsy excuses like family name, reputation and prestige not valuing the character and personality of the individual involved?

I mean we still see many lives derailed and great talents wasting because of communal and family rules, norms, tradition and taboos.

Many of us, because we were raised to rely and depend excessively on family and relatives, have also totally relegated and subjugated our passion, preferences and desires in life for family and societal approval.

Our gifts, our talents, our passion, what we love and what we were created to achieve in life have become secondary to impressing and satisfying our parents, extended family elders, the society, community and peers.

Our happiness has been conditioned to be derived from the happiness of these people of influence in our lives. When we make choices or decisions that these people don’t like or are not happy with, we also begin to feel guilty and unhappy because our choices have offended them and made them unhappy.

 Your choices and happiness in life now depends on the happiness of friends, family and relative.

Has it ever occurred to you my friends that human beings generally are selfish and are unlikely to be happy when you make decisions that don’t favour them? Have you considered the fact that what they want from you and are asking you to do or become may be in their interest and not yours? Have you ever wondered if their motive was actually to manipulate you and keep you abase?

Have you ever wondered if what they really want is to be in control of your life? Have you ever wondered why most of these elderly people when they want you to do their own bidding won’t allow you to express your opinion or view and are quick to shut you up and interpreted your desire to talk as disrespectful and contempt?

Do you know at times when you are asked to shut up in front of elders it’s because they know you have a superior argument that they can’t fault?

Can I say to you today that many of those who insist on controlling your life are actually afraid of you and your potentials?

Haven’t you realised a major bane in the black community is that many people don’t like it when others are doing well and progressing? Many people can’t handle the success of others especially close relatives and associates.

 They’ll rather you remain poor and dependent on them – they want to be the reason why you’re alive and well.

They like to take the glory for your well-being and boast about the fact that they are the ones solving all your problems.

Immediately you attain a status or reach a level where you’re free from their benevolence and assistance, they begin to fight you, criticize you and attack you for no just cause. They begin to peddle negative rumors about you, casting aspersions on your person and demeaning your credibility and integrity with those who matter to you.

You’ll hear people who hitherto appeared to love you begin to say things like only God knows the source of his breakthrough, who knows whether he stole from his employer. Who know whether she slept with her boss?
Now that he’s comfortable he won’t let us rest, is he the first to buy a car, start a company, build a house, travel overseas or become famous?

These people would be waiting to fault the way you greet them, the way you speak, for every statement you make they’re reading between the lines waiting for a remark, behaviour or attitude they can label as arrogant, proud, boastful and insulting. They want to bring you down by all means. Laughs

 Have you realised it’s impossible to be enemies with someone you don’t know from Adam? You can only become an enemy to someone who knows you and has reasons to feel upset and threatened by you and your activities.

 Dear friends, if these people that know you and want to keep controlling you are the ones you want to keep impressing by abiding to their instructions, directions and advise, don’t you think you have by this, subjected yourself to a life quality much less than your full potential?

What is wrong with your own quality of reasoning, what is wrong with your own mind, what is wrong with your own passion and preferences that you must always seek the opinion and approval of certain people before you make decisions to improve your life?

Why would you settle for their own inferior counsel, knowing it’s not in your best interest just because you want them to remain happy with you?

Why are you sacrificing the best life has to offer you because you don’t want an uncle, a friend, a sibling or even a spiritual leader to feel threatened by your success? Why do their feelings and emotions bother you where your own progress and prosperity is painful to them? The real enemies of a man are but the members of his house hold.

Can I say something to you this morning, there is treasure, great treasure with in you that you don’t realise? Probably from the way you were raised, you’ve been lied to that you don’t carry much simply because academically you were not as sound as many others around. It is a lie, it is the gift and talent of a man that makes him great not just academic qualification or certification. As valuable as formal education is, it expires with time. Formal education is also highly localised on the account of varying curriculum and   country context. Meaning your qualification and academic knowledge may require adaptation and upgrade in another country; you may have to go back to school in that country to practice especially a professional course. Not so with natural abilities and talents, it’s universal in application and global in relevance because it springs from within you! You carry a solution to a global problem or need; there is something you have to offer that no one else can.

 People familiar with you can see in you what you can’t see in yourself and that’s the reason for the strife, the attacks, the criticism, betrayal and rejection you’ve been trying to understand all these years; It is not your current state they can’t deal with, it is your future and your potentials they can’t handle, that’s why they want you to give up on that dream and ambition of becoming great, hence the wrong advise, wrong counsel, intimidation and emotional blackmail.

 They are afraid of your manifestation. Right now you think you’re a nobody, you think you can’t do much, you think you’re just average and you’ll just get by through benevolence and help. Please reject this stinking thinking, reconnect with your true self, the real you, the original you, break away from the sentiments and emotional blackmail of those close people that celebrate your stagnation and mediocrity interpreting it as humility and respect for elders.

As soon as you reconnect with your true self and the treasures in you, you’ll start growing and glowing and you’ll get better with use.

Stop looking around trying to be like others who ironically covet what you carry but are ignorant of.

Make your own decisions, don’t make the advice of people your guiding rule, check it and test the motive before taking any advice. It’s still your life and your decision at the end of the day. Take charge of your life. Liberate your destiny. Enjoy your day.