RECONNECTING WITH YOU
This morning I'll like to discuss a situation that has for long plagued many of us brought up in an environment where communal living is highly esteemed, very important and almost sacred. You are probably raised in a community or within a family where values, reputation and image are more important than anything else.
These values may stem from your family background, history, religion, experience, image, reputation, culture, tradition and even taboos.
This morning I'll like to discuss a situation that has for long plagued many of us brought up in an environment where communal living is highly esteemed, very important and almost sacred. You are probably raised in a community or within a family where values, reputation and image are more important than anything else.
Many of us
adults today were most likely raised by direct parents or even extended family
members who had the final say in the affairs of the family in whole and
individual members of the family.
Be it the
nuclear, polygamous or extended family, many of us were raised not to have a
mind of our own, interpretation of ourselves and individuality. We were raised
within certain family norms, patterns and values.
These values may stem from your family background, history, religion, experience, image, reputation, culture, tradition and even taboos.
Isn’t it
amazing to observe that even in this century, some parents still impose on
their children, professions, courses, universities and organizations where
their children must work whether that child likes it or not?
Don’t we
still see parents insist their children can’t interact much less marry into
certain families for very flimsy excuses like family name, reputation and
prestige not valuing the character and personality of the individual involved?
I mean we
still see many lives derailed and great talents wasting because of communal and
family rules, norms, tradition and taboos.
Many of us,
because we were raised to rely and depend excessively on family and relatives,
have also totally relegated and subjugated our passion, preferences and desires
in life for family and societal approval.
Our gifts,
our talents, our passion, what we love and what we were created to achieve in
life have become secondary to impressing and satisfying our parents, extended
family elders, the society, community and peers.
Our
happiness has been conditioned to be derived from the happiness of these people
of influence in our lives. When we make choices or decisions that these people
don’t like or are not happy with, we also begin to feel guilty and unhappy
because our choices have offended them and made them unhappy.
Your choices and happiness in life now depends
on the happiness of friends, family and relative.
Has it ever
occurred to you my friends that human beings generally are selfish and are
unlikely to be happy when you make decisions that don’t favour them? Have you
considered the fact that what they want from you and are asking you to do or
become may be in their interest and not yours? Have you ever wondered if their
motive was actually to manipulate you and keep you abase?
Have you
ever wondered if what they really want is to be in control of your life? Have
you ever wondered why most of these elderly people when they want you to do
their own bidding won’t allow you to express your opinion or view and are quick
to shut you up and interpreted your desire to talk as disrespectful and
contempt?
Do you know
at times when you are asked to shut up in front of elders it’s because they
know you have a superior argument that they can’t fault?
Can I say to
you today that many of those who insist on controlling your life are actually
afraid of you and your potentials?
Haven’t you
realised a major bane in the black community is that many people don’t like it
when others are doing well and progressing? Many people can’t handle the
success of others especially close relatives and associates.
They’ll rather you remain poor and dependent
on them – they want to be the reason why you’re alive and well.
They like to
take the glory for your well-being and boast about the fact that they are the
ones solving all your problems.
Immediately
you attain a status or reach a level where you’re free from their benevolence
and assistance, they begin to fight you, criticize you and attack you for no
just cause. They begin to peddle negative rumors about you, casting aspersions
on your person and demeaning your credibility and integrity with those who
matter to you.
You’ll hear
people who hitherto appeared to love you begin to say things like only God
knows the source of his breakthrough, who knows whether he stole from his
employer. Who know whether she slept with her boss?
Now that he’s comfortable he won’t let us rest, is he the first to buy a car, start a company, build a house, travel overseas or become famous?
Now that he’s comfortable he won’t let us rest, is he the first to buy a car, start a company, build a house, travel overseas or become famous?
These people
would be waiting to fault the way you greet them, the way you speak, for every
statement you make they’re reading between the lines waiting for a remark,
behaviour or attitude they can label as arrogant, proud, boastful and
insulting. They want to bring you down by all means. Laughs
Have you realised it’s impossible to be
enemies with someone you don’t know from Adam? You can only become an enemy to
someone who knows you and has reasons to feel upset and threatened by you and
your activities.
Dear friends, if these people that know you
and want to keep controlling you are the ones you want to keep impressing by
abiding to their instructions, directions and advise, don’t you think you have
by this, subjected yourself to a life quality much less than your full
potential?
What is
wrong with your own quality of reasoning, what is wrong with your own mind,
what is wrong with your own passion and preferences that you must always seek
the opinion and approval of certain people before you make decisions to improve
your life?
Why would
you settle for their own inferior counsel, knowing it’s not in your best
interest just because you want them to remain happy with you?
Why are you
sacrificing the best life has to offer you because you don’t want an uncle, a
friend, a sibling or even a spiritual leader to feel threatened by your
success? Why do their feelings and emotions bother you where your own progress
and prosperity is painful to them? The real enemies of a man are but the
members of his house hold.
Can I say
something to you this morning, there is treasure, great treasure with in you
that you don’t realise? Probably from the way you were raised, you’ve been lied
to that you don’t carry much simply because academically you were not as sound
as many others around. It is a lie, it is the gift and talent of a man that
makes him great not just academic qualification or certification. As valuable
as formal education is, it expires with time. Formal education is also highly
localised on the account of varying curriculum and country context. Meaning your qualification
and academic knowledge may require adaptation and upgrade in another country;
you may have to go back to school in that country to practice especially a
professional course. Not so with natural abilities and talents, it’s universal
in application and global in relevance because it springs from within you! You
carry a solution to a global problem or need; there is something you have to
offer that no one else can.
People familiar with you can see in you what
you can’t see in yourself and that’s the reason for the strife, the attacks,
the criticism, betrayal and rejection you’ve been trying to understand all
these years; It is not your current state they can’t deal with, it is your
future and your potentials they can’t handle, that’s why they want you to give
up on that dream and ambition of becoming great, hence the wrong advise, wrong
counsel, intimidation and emotional blackmail.
They are afraid of your manifestation. Right
now you think you’re a nobody, you think you can’t do much, you think you’re
just average and you’ll just get by through benevolence and help. Please reject
this stinking thinking, reconnect with your true self, the real you, the
original you, break away from the sentiments and emotional blackmail of those
close people that celebrate your stagnation and mediocrity interpreting it as
humility and respect for elders.
As soon as
you reconnect with your true self and the treasures in you, you’ll start
growing and glowing and you’ll get better with use.
Stop looking
around trying to be like others who ironically covet what you carry but are
ignorant of.
Make your
own decisions, don’t make the advice of people your guiding rule, check it and
test the motive before taking any advice. It’s still your life and your
decision at the end of the day. Take charge of your life. Liberate your
destiny. Enjoy your day.
good.
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